As a child, I was taught by my parents and other elders to do good to others. Heard stories and generally everywhere one used to get this teaching of being honest, helpful, sharing with others, being friendly etc. Nobody told me that you have to be honest because, or you have to be helpful because ....
And as a kid, we used to listen to our parents and teachers or the books and do as we were told.
Now fast forward to a time 30 years from when I was the naive kid. Now each time I help someone or do something which feels inherently good to the conscience, I have to explain myself why I did this.
Sample this, an acquaintance asks for some money. I specifically say acquaintance because the idea is- you just know that person, not related, not your best friend from college or school, and definitely not your relative. The first impulse is to help - then we rationalise our approach. Should we help/should we not? What is the benefit? What do I lose?
Say you end up helping - then the struggle begins - why do I have to help? Am I stupid and naive to help anyone in need? Is someone exploiting me?
Another example, you are sitting in a bus, you see someone who seems ill. You get up and offer your seat to that person when no one else does. Am I stupid to do this?
All these time when I help, I feel good but at the same time there is a dread I have to deal with - the practical or sensible me - to whom I have to explain why I helped someone. And the struggle doesn't end there after the explanation to yourself- you need to often explain your action to others
Add to this, I teach my kid to do good, be helpful , share etc - same things as I got from my parents and teachers. He has never asked me why? May be because of the pure nature of a child.
He doesn't filter his actions of kindness on rationality. He doesn't ask why I am helping. He doesn't know the concept of exploiting.
So I am quite confused should I teach him the practicality of being good - that is you have to be good, do good only sometimes given the situation? Or should I let him learn it the hard way ? Or should I unlearn my own learnings?
What is there to unlearn? Well, once I went to buy flowers in the market with my mother. He knew her and gave the regular amount of flowers, The next guy who comes in gets lessers amount from the same vendor.
Lesson learnt or unlearnt : people who want to cheat you, can and will do it irrespective of your smartness or innocence. Most people will not. So who should be the guidance parameter to behave in our lives?
The attack of rational explanations are not only limited to the doing good part. Spending time with my kid- I often play something with him which has no sense but it gets the best laugh out from him and for me the happiness point scored. But each time I start doing something like this - I feel what good is this activity for him. how will it help him in the future. Each action in the life is governed by these sensible questions which are just so very 'kill the joy of life' category.
The hilarious part of being rational is when it drives you to irrational craziness. So my son was healthy and happy in the morning and by afternoon he suddenly catches the flu. We try to think what went wrong. Where did he catch it? There is no explanation . And then, you get the seemingly irrational but very believable idea - someone cast an evil eye on him
Still trying to figure out the way between rationality, common sense, practical sense and pure conscience. But the way the fight is going seems for me - the voice of pure conscience will win this one
For all others - to each their own
And as a kid, we used to listen to our parents and teachers or the books and do as we were told.
Now fast forward to a time 30 years from when I was the naive kid. Now each time I help someone or do something which feels inherently good to the conscience, I have to explain myself why I did this.
Sample this, an acquaintance asks for some money. I specifically say acquaintance because the idea is- you just know that person, not related, not your best friend from college or school, and definitely not your relative. The first impulse is to help - then we rationalise our approach. Should we help/should we not? What is the benefit? What do I lose?
Say you end up helping - then the struggle begins - why do I have to help? Am I stupid and naive to help anyone in need? Is someone exploiting me?
Another example, you are sitting in a bus, you see someone who seems ill. You get up and offer your seat to that person when no one else does. Am I stupid to do this?
All these time when I help, I feel good but at the same time there is a dread I have to deal with - the practical or sensible me - to whom I have to explain why I helped someone. And the struggle doesn't end there after the explanation to yourself- you need to often explain your action to others
Add to this, I teach my kid to do good, be helpful , share etc - same things as I got from my parents and teachers. He has never asked me why? May be because of the pure nature of a child.
He doesn't filter his actions of kindness on rationality. He doesn't ask why I am helping. He doesn't know the concept of exploiting.
So I am quite confused should I teach him the practicality of being good - that is you have to be good, do good only sometimes given the situation? Or should I let him learn it the hard way ? Or should I unlearn my own learnings?
What is there to unlearn? Well, once I went to buy flowers in the market with my mother. He knew her and gave the regular amount of flowers, The next guy who comes in gets lessers amount from the same vendor.
Lesson learnt or unlearnt : people who want to cheat you, can and will do it irrespective of your smartness or innocence. Most people will not. So who should be the guidance parameter to behave in our lives?
The attack of rational explanations are not only limited to the doing good part. Spending time with my kid- I often play something with him which has no sense but it gets the best laugh out from him and for me the happiness point scored. But each time I start doing something like this - I feel what good is this activity for him. how will it help him in the future. Each action in the life is governed by these sensible questions which are just so very 'kill the joy of life' category.
The hilarious part of being rational is when it drives you to irrational craziness. So my son was healthy and happy in the morning and by afternoon he suddenly catches the flu. We try to think what went wrong. Where did he catch it? There is no explanation . And then, you get the seemingly irrational but very believable idea - someone cast an evil eye on him
Still trying to figure out the way between rationality, common sense, practical sense and pure conscience. But the way the fight is going seems for me - the voice of pure conscience will win this one
For all others - to each their own
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